My Friend Jiminy

"Let your conscience be your guide" said Jiminy Cricket to the puppet Pinocchio. That line from the beloved story popped up from my memory as I was contemplating the purpose our conscience plays in helping us guide our choices. The first thing I examine from the quote above, is the word "guide". The picture of a guide is one who leads the way, knows the road ahead, alarms of coming danger. It will not do at all then if the guide follows behind us now, would it? Then there is the word "conscience." The dictionary defines it as, " The inner sense of what is right and wrong in one's conduct or motives, impelling one toward right action."  We might have different interpretations of what this "inner voice" is inside a person. Often we might feel it is an interruption that takes place outside our own thoughts at times. We may think it is an intuitive understanding about something, as a premonition. We might feel that it is a series of experiences throughout our lives that have formed the conclusions of what we believe is trustworthy for making good decisions. All of these are pieces of a puzzle to this thing we call our conscience. To gain greater understanding, I want to think of how I might put it into context from a biblical perspective, although I am no theologian. We have opposing foes in the conflict to our heeding our conscience and they are beautifully portrayed in the Disney version of Pinocchio. Desire, Passion and Lust are played out in childish, unrestrained, gullible, and undisciplined youthful indulgence. They sway us to lend an ear to all the wrong voices that might feed the raging passions inside, and so, we capitulate. We shrug off of our shoulders like an annoying pest, our one true friend Jiminy, letting wanton desire lead the way. Because, if we admit it, it is what we want at the moment. I have often wondered about myself, much like Paul described in his letter to the Romans. In Romans 7:15 NASB, the heading of the chapter reads, "The conflict of the two natures". He writes, "For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate." Paul's comment here is in context to the Law, the Law of God given to Israel, for which Paul as a pious Jew, worked to live out flawlessly as a Pharisee, before he met Christ. But in no way was he saying that Christ came to abolish the Law. The Law is our teacher. What does it teach us? I want to make a connection between two of my thoughts; that of the Law and the conscience. In the context of what I believe, our Creator introduces us to the law and the conscience in the Creation story. The first law was established in the Garden, with the Tree, the Tree of the knowledge of good and evil. In Genesis 2:16,17 NKJV " And the LORD God commanded the man, saying, Of every tree of the garden you may eat freely, but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it, you shall surely die." God laid it out, one simple command to obey Him. I see from this that without the Law first, we are able to know what is good and evil? It was made clear to man. To obey God would always be good for them, and to disobey would be bad...... very bad. Therefore without the Law, our conscience would not be born in us. It then appears to me that a distinction was made at the outset between our will and His, with what we want and what He wants. So we are made free agents, with choices of how we govern ourselves. With the law, and our inability to keep it which resides in all descendants of Adam through disobedience, we then also have something else that resides within us, our conscience. Because, with the partaking of the Tree, came the knowledge of good and evil. So we are without excuse, when we willfully shrug off these gifts, to follow after the carnal nature. A picture emerges like the pieces of the puzzle when being fit together how the conscience works and why this inner law speaks to us. The conscience sends out many signals and may encompass many feelings, such as guilt, or fear, along with positive feelings of peace or security, depending on what direction we are taking. Another teacher then comes along to help us after we have made our choices... Consequences. When God established a law with the Tree, he gave out the consequences that will follow our actions. Our actions then, produce fruit, a set of experiences that tell us our choices produced good or bad fruit. Without that, there aren't the necessary lessons teaching us the way to go.   There is a lot we do to make our conscience ineffective in our lives. We can make many rationalizations or justifications for ourselves that we hope will divert the consequences that will come with our choice, attempting to make bad fruit appear good. We may think by the prolonging of consequences, it is not coming, so we may be living our lives out waiting for the "shoe to drop", looking behind us on the road. Or maybe we have crafted a world without all of these notions, calling them bondages of the "religious right" or the tyranny of governments and authorities in the world. But what is it that really enslaves us? And why? That i'll save for another topic. Finally, I notice the word in the quote that may have sat there unnoticed, "Let". Let: "To allow or permit to pass, through or come or go. To grant, occupancy or use." Something in my control, and power to execute. A word that tells me it is up to me. I have a free will over my choices and actions. I give my power and will over for Good or Evil. I am continually examining myself, and the actions that define what I believe or what I trust will satisfy. I have seen myself turn off the voice of Jiminy on my shoulder, to run with those who help make it feel most agreeable to indulge in the Carnival of the Flesh, only to make a donkey out of me. And my spirit, His Spirit that is in me and my flesh are in conflict, but with each, a road open to me at all times, full of the unexpected, with a destination, that I may not have wished to consider before I headed on my way... I will chose His Way. 

Between the Rock and a hard spot: Vanquished dread

C.S. Lewis writes: "Not that I am (I think) in much danger of ceasing to believe in God. The real danger is of coming to believe such dreadful things about Him."

 In my recent experiences with the death and illnesses of friends and family, I experienced my own brush with death and open heart surgery in Feb. of ’09.

 I didn't know where to “put” God, if putting Him in the middle of it meant He was putting His signature on the suffering that had come into my life.

I underwent nine hours of surgery, while heart and lung machines were keeping me alive. Closely monitored for nine days more, I lay in ICU, feeling put back together like a Raggedy Ann doll. I had so many painful places where tubes were running through my body. And by my bedside, noisy monitors were detecting signs of life.

I can't "talk to Him", I muttered to myself. Where dread had filled my soul, no prayer could be uttered. My husband came in and set my IPod up in the room.  My favorite songs and hymns filled the air. Then the voice of Him who loves me most, broke through my fearful heart, as if He were singing to me, sitting with me there in the dark recesses of my soul, where dread disabled.

He gave me songs of faith to utter, when I had no strength or will do it. And my heart has its reasons to live, and the faith that seemed buried, declared itself to me.....Yes, I hope in God.....He is mine and I am His!  IWill Rise.

Between the Rock and a hard spot: "I Will Be Your Father"

Between the Rock and a hard spot: "I Will Be Your Father":

“I Will Be Your Father”

As we entered the home, my mother gave me some crayons and a piece of notebook paper and sent me to an adjacent sitting room to busy myself with coloring. A number of men and women were all surrounding the kitchen area. My mother and some other women were huddled together when I heard some disturbing chatter. My Dad had not been home much for some time now. As a traveling salesman, he was gone a lot. But this time, it seemed from the conversation that my Dad was not going to be coming home to us anymore. The youngest of five children, I was only 5 years old.  My heart was afraid of what I didn’t understand. What did it mean? I knew my mom was crying a lot, she had me sleeping in her room at night to keep her company. As I continued coloring, a great feeling of fear had gripped me. Though I continued drawing, my little head was trying to comprehend what I heard, and my heart began to feel a loss for which there was no understanding. As I felt all alone in the confusion of my soul, before I could think of running to my mommy for reassurance and comfort,  I suddenly felt a strong presence enter the room beside me. Then a warm sense of a strong embrace surrounded me. Immediately I felt my fears melted away from me and replacing it with peace settling down in my heart. Everything would be okay.

 A five year old girl can hardly put to words an experience of such things, or be aware of its effect to alter ones life. But now, I can describe in words what that moment meant to me then. I have seen my journey since, and the Voice of one whom never left my side.  Afterwards, throughout every challenge I would face, one thing I became sure of was this; that God was declaring to me then, “I will be your Father”.  This first encounter with the Lord would be the beginning of my new Fathers care over my life, and His revealing Himself to me, that He would always be right there with me, when I reached for Him. I was so moved by this experience that I decided to make a fan from my notebook paper. Coloring it with flowers, and putting my name on the front in cursive, I put a secret message in one of the folds.  I wrote “I Love God”. It was my response to this incredible experience. And a memento that I still possess. But it would take a long time before I would really know Him.

 We had not been a church going family. So it would take others to expose me to the One who had embraced me that day and placed a hunger in my heart that would eventually lead me straight to Him. My parents divorced and I remember the day she went to court. She was putting on a green dress suit and a nice pair of earrings as I lay on her bed looking up at the seagull mobile she put above me, so that it would help me go to sleep at night. I asked her if Daddy would ever be coming home again. “No” she said. I lay there quietly questioning. Was my mom not pretty enough? She was stunning. Was she fat? Well, she wasn’t the skinny girl of her youth after having five children. What could have driven our daddy away? It must be me, just too many kids. It didn’t matter. The gaping hole his absence made, the sense of security, value and direction a father’s love brings was replaced with the gnawing sense of being rejected and abandoned, and a belief that we must not be worthwhile enough to stick around for or invest in. He rarely showed up for visits, and didn’t financially support us beyond the first couple of years. 

All my siblings were deeply affected, but I felt the pain of it more acutely for my three brothers. All the father- son events that they had to borrow someone else’s dad for, or maybe an uncle. It was terribly painful. Divorce was not such a common occurrence as it is today. And no one talked about it. And I remember my Mom suffered with the stigma of being a divorced woman. For me, in all my memories that shaped my life, the one that profoundly affected me the most was that I never saw my mother loved by anyone. I never saw her hugged or kissed by any man. No affection beyond her own kids. She never had a boyfriend or ever married again. She had poured her life into her children. This made me also feel so unlovable, and that I would have to be something so flawless, (which I knew I could never be) if I were to find a man to love me. 

But my search was satisfied. I thank My Father for His steadfast love and compassion. His Love has healed the little girl and has made this woman His own.  To You, My Father, Happy Fathers Day. I admire and adore You. And when I see the admiration and praise of earthly fathers toward their children, I can see You there in my minds eye, taking delight in me. 

Between the Rock and a hard spot: Lessons From An Inner Circle

Between the Rock and a hard spot: Lessons From An Inner Circle: "I was told about a remote tribal village that was being studied as a community. They were very close and relatively peaceful and happy. One ..."

Between the Rock and a hard spot: A Style of Life

Between the Rock and a hard spot: A Style of Life: "The whole book of James, brother of Jesus, is an amazing consolidation of truths that explain the style of life that should be characterize..."

A Style of Life

The whole book of James, brother of Jesus, is an amazing consolidation of truths that explain the style of life that should be characterized by those who desire to emulate the Lord and find the reward in following Him. I think I should like to commit the book to memory and have it available to guide my choices more readily throughout my days. Hear I have posted the first chapter.... You will have to go to The Book, and read the rest. It is Love and Rebuke all in the perfection that is Christ!   James, a bond-servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ,    To the twelve tribes who are dispersed abroad: Greetings.   Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.   But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord, being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.   But the brother of humble circumstances is to glory in his high position; and the rich man is to glory in his humiliation, because like flowering grass he will pass away. For the sun rises with a scorching wind and withers the grass; and its flower falls off and the beauty of its appearance is destroyed; so too the rich man in the midst of his pursuits will fade away.   Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him. Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God”; for God cannot be tempted by evil, and He Himself does not tempt anyone. But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust. Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death. Do not be deceived, my beloved brethren. Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow. In the exercise of His will He brought us forth by the word of truth, so that we would be a kind of first fruits among His creatures.   This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God. Therefore, putting aside all filthiness and all that remains of wickedness, in humility receive the word implanted, which is able to save your souls. But prove yourselves doers of the word, and not merely hearers who delude themselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks at his natural face in a mirror; for once he has looked at himself and gone away, he has immediately forgotten what kind of person he was. But one who looks intently at the perfect law, the law of liberty, and abides by it, not having become a forgetful hearer but an effectual doer, this man will be blessed in what he does.   If anyone thinks himself to be religious, and yet does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this man’s religion is worthless. Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world.

P. S. I am reminded as I reread this, that this reminds me of what we do at funerals. We honor the dead with our praises, but not so much, the living.

Lessons From An Inner Circle

I was told about a remote tribal village that was being studied as a community. They were very close and relatively peaceful and happy. One of the remarkable traditions that I find so compelling, is the way they held order and disciplined the unruly among them. The offender would be brought out in the open, and the whole village, young and old would gather in a tight circle around him. You might think at this point a tribal court of some kind was held, or a stoning might occur. But instead, the man was to stand there for a long period of time, and listen to every last one of the villagers share a positive memory, act, or attribute about him. A constant stream of words of affirmation! In my imagination, having to stand and hear such things would drench my soul in many areas left dry by the neglect of the power of positive and honest words. We as a society, and the Church, would do well to treat those who have offended us with such a needed and neglected form of care. To reflect to them our belief in there better side, the one the Creator intended, being reflected back to the them in our eyes. Giving this kind of Love can restore those who have lost themselves in sin.